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Glorious Bugs

Words and Music: © 2000 by Tom Smith
Lois McMaster Bujold's novel A Civil Campaign leaped right out of the "'normal" Miles Vorkosigan world of space opera and galactic intrigue and squarely into the world of screwball romantic comedy. One of the subplots involved... how shall I put this... edible cockroaches. Nay, tasty cockroaches. Butter Bugs, they were called, genetically engineered to be nutritious and yummy. Except, of course, for the fact that they were still pretty much cockroaches. Figuring they'd done the hard work with the making-yummy-cockroaches part, the sales team began to work on designing a more attractive cockroach. I just wrote the jingle, is all.

Better butter bugs for a brighter Barrayar...
Better butter bugs for a brighter Barrayar...

If you like tofu, spuds, and spoo,
We've got something new for you.
The source of fine Barrayaran cuisine,
The tastiest insects you've ever seen.

They were gentle and trusting and really disgusting,
So since it behooved 'em, we've gone and improved 'em --

They're Bugs, Glorious Bugs,
Bugs, Glorious Bugs,
The low-calorie snack that's got wings on its back,
Given new DNA to fulfill RDA,
They're Bugs, Glorious Bugs,
Bugs, Glorious Bugs,
They're nutritious, delicious, and only look vicious
So come on and try them today!

For a taste that'll send you to your knees,
Grab a Glorious Bug and give it a squeeze.
They're ready to serve and eager to please,
Less work than ants, less sting than bees.

And their digestive juices have dozens of uses,
For fuel, grease, or grout, you just can't live without --

Bugs, Glorious Bugs,
Bugs, Glorious Bugs,
Whether stuffed or sautéed or souffléd or flambéed,
Squeezed in fresh lemonade, a la mode, crème bruléed,
They're Bugs, Glorious Bugs,
Bugs, Glorious Bugs,
You can wear them as jewels, lubricate all your tools,
Spice up lunchtime at schools -- Dude, this Butter Bug rulez!

Be you hillman or Vor, you'll be shouting for more
Of these Vorious, S'More-ious, Hunky-Dory-ous,
Glorious Bugs!

From MPVK!

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