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Insert Geek Cliche Here

Words and Music © 2008 by Tom Smith
Released under a Creative Commons Noncommercial ShareAlike License
Everybody and their second cousin twice removed has written songs about being a geek in a non-geek world. There are only two problems... it's no longer a non-geek world, and there are actually faux nerds trying to get that geek cred. I think they just figured out that the programming gods -- you know, the funny, smart, rich guys -- are getting the smokin' hot babes.

I've got a hundred thousand comics carefully collected,
And all the action figures for 'em carefully selected,
The posters and promotions for each superhero movie,
My ringtone's Frank N. Furter and Ash saying "Groovy",
I've got each permutation of the XBox and PlayStation,
My anime collection is the finest in the nation,
If you wonder why I worked so hard to get geek cred,
Well, I can't remember either, I'll have this crap till I'm dead!

Insert geek cliche here (geek is the new "kinda cool", now)
Losing streak of the year (I still get beaten up in school, now)
Social freak full of fear (all the girls still think I'm a tool, now)
Insert geek cliche here.

George Lucas had Darth Vader in his Tie fighter to strafe us,
Spielberg had Indy, E.T., Jaws and Richard Dreyfuss,
Hawking, Sagan, Feynman, Gates and Wozniak and Jobs,
The world is ruled by skinny doofs and nonathletic blobs.
I have no skills or talent, and I don't know where to start,
A real idiot savant, without the "savant" part.
But I figure I can be successful like those other nerds,
As long as I've got all the toys and shout out all the words.

Insert geek cliche here (I get every new DVD, now)
I fill six rooms with my gear (Amazon delivers daily to me, now)
Watch my cash disappear (my credit score is three, now)
Insert geek cliche here.

I've got GURPS and D&D, every volume and edition
I've got a million Magic cards, I'm still not a magician,
Costumes, props, and make-up from every sci-fi show ever made,
I actually thought that buying all this stuff might get me laid.

And so I stalk around the internet in search of any plunder
And where it's gonna lead me, you don't really have to wonder
My finances are ruined so I live on beets and porridge
My house is in foreclosure and my toys are all in storage
The eBay people hate me, and they will not do my bidding,
And I won't go and sell the stuff -- come on now, are you kidding?
But don't misunderstand, I haven't found my inner geek,
I can't afford a laundromat and all my clothes reek.

Insert geek cliche here (I thought it would be so cool now)
It's not chic, it's just queer (haven't been outside since Yule, now)
Livin' on taquitos and beer (fall asleep and start to drool, now)
Insert geek cliche here.

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