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March of the PenguiCon

Words and Music © 2007 by Tom Smith
Released under a Creative Commons Noncommercial ShareAlike License
This was commissioned by PenguiCon, a superb gathering every spring in Southeastern Michigan. At the time, the movie March of the Penguins was still hot. I've added new verses for subsequent years, and likely will continue to do so.

It started with a penguin, as such things often do
We put him in a red shirt, and put him in the crew
We told him, get some Guests of Honor who were really cool,
But when he told us Terry Pratchett, we began to drool.
And then came Father Raymond, his Cathedral is Bazaar,
And Clif and Eric Flint who didn't have to drive too far,
Our User-Friendly fellow met a homicidal bun
Who slashdotted a taco, and that was Number One.

Just another year at PenguiCon, the finest con that Michigan has seen
Good books and open-source, a masquerade, of course, with at least two women painted green
You don't have to be a linux guru, there's stuff for you to do, never fear,
So here's to the March of the PenguiCon, even though it's in April every year.
(Man in Tron suit, Man in Tron suit, Man in Tron suit, Man in Tron suit....)

For reasons lost to history, they did it one more time,
They got that Sandman fella, who often writes in rhyme,
Another guy from Slashdot, and another guy from Slashdot,
And another guy from -- I sense a trend.
They had a lot more music, Rob, Tony, Luke, and Worm,
Then Tom got his guitar out and made all of 'em squirm,
Howard had a lovely time with Mercenary Shlock,
And gaming was the best of all, 'cause Evil Stevie rocked.

Just another year at PenguiCon, the bestest con that Michigan allows
We're grateful that this thing is going on in spring, so we can dodge construction, not plows,
We're not amateurs, you'll get a pro thrill, even though Wil Wheaton isn't here,
So here's to the March of the PenguiCon, even though it's in April every year.

For Number Three we had Cory Doctorow,
who knows how online publication works,
Gene Roddenberry Jr. was the Media Goh, and answered
every question 'bout prospective Cap... Tain... Kirks
Doctor Sallis and Matt Torkington were Tech Support,
they kept Kevin Siembieda's game alive,
We tried to get Wil Wheaton but we came up short,
Maybe he'll show up for number six or seven or eight or...

For Four, we had two author GOHs, Steve Miller, Sharon Lee,
We wanted Loony gaming guests, and ended up with three.
And Chris DeBona held together tech with splits and wire,
But then that Frank Hayes came along, and set the cat on fire.
And now Liz Bear and Charlie Stross will tell amazing tales,
And Evil Stevie's back to put the wind into our sails,
Randy, Bruce, and Christine, and all those who are Nifty,
And every year I'll add a verse until we get to fifty.

(2009 revision, starting by replacing the previous four lines)

For Five, Liz Bear and Charlie Stross told amazing tales,
And Evil Stevie came back, putting wind into our sails,
Christine had all her nanotech, and Bruce kept us secure,
And Randy did Something Positive, which was new for him, I'm sure.

Just another year at PenguiCon, the fastest-growing con that we attend,
Don't worry or despair, a cryo-tube's right there, so technically the fun will never end,
The hotel's got a lovely pool for swimmin', and hot tech women wearing something sheer,
So here's to the March of the PenguiCon, even though it's in April every year.

For Six, came Jono Bacon, Ubuntu's British bard,
And Benjy Mako Hill, who's making open-source less hard,
Keith Baker, who made Eberron, for dungeon delving rovers,
And XKCD's Randall, with stick figures and mouseovers,
We had Tamora Pierce, whose YA fantasy is hot,
The Singing Tesla Coils, who lit up the parking lot,
As well as Vernor Vinge, with deep fire in the sky,
I don't know how we'll top that year, but damn, we're gonna try.

For Seven, we had Mad Dog Hall return, he's so reliant,
And Rasmus Lerdorf to make sure we're PHP-compliant,
Jane McGonigal and Sarah Hoyt smarten up the hotness factor,
But now remains the question -- where the hell's our favorite actor?
Wil Wheaton isn't here again, I'm sad to say to you,
It's for a real good reason, I hear he's got the flu,
We hope he'll be here next year, when he's not under the weather,
But ain't it strange? You never have seen him and me together.

(this will always be the final chorus... until 2031, at least)

Just another year at PenguiCon, we promise that you'll really have a ball,
We all have solemn codes -- besides, if it implodes, we'll take our codes and just rewrite them all,
So now give a cheer, make it a hearty one, this is a party con through and through,
So here's to the March of the PenguiCon, where the fun is thanks to you,
Yes, here's to the March of the PenguiCon -- it'll be in March by 2032.

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