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O Holey Knight

Words: © 1999 by Tom Smith, from an idea by Ken Burkhalter
Music: "O Holy Night" (trad.)
The place I worked for most of the last ten years had its problems, but mostly it was cool, and everyone was slightly mad. Take Scott, the Technology Director. During some free time on an out-of-state service call, he and sales manager Mark went into a record store, and Scott had this poor kid who worked there running around for twenty minutes looking for The Jar Jar Binks Christmas Album. Well, Mark told Ken (who, besides being the owner, was Scott's dad), and Ken came to me, and asked me to work up something that we could burn onto a CD and turn the tables on Scott, which we did. And several of Ken's ideas were funny as heck, and I've written two of them (the other one being "The Twelve Years of Star Wars").

Oh, holey knight,
The stars be shining brightly,
Me be see them shining through
that hole in your chest.

You dodge-ed left,
but dint see what came right-ly,
Wish there was a standard issue
Jedi Kevlar Vest.

Darth Maul, he dance,
He be celebrating,
You with his lance,
He be perforating.

Fall on your knees,
Oh, hear the forceful voices,
O Knight Qui-Gon,
Oh, knight, you bought the farm.
O Knight Qui-Gon,
O Knight Qui-Gon.

Saber of light,
the Force make strong its beaming,
With glowing strokes,
It takes off people's heads.

So red the light
Of Darth, who's always scheming,
To meet a nice man
And make him so deads.

The Jedi of Jedis,
Yoda, who talks stranger
Than even me,
He warn-ed of the danger

Truly he taught the
Jedi to protect folks
Keep law and love life
And uphold the peace.

But he forgot to
Have Jedi respect folks,
Busybody mind tricks
Without a moment's cease.

Jedi and Sith,
Beating up each other,
Here I am, oh, brother,
Caught between.

Fall on your knees,
Oh, hear the forceful voices,
O Knight Qui-Gon,
Oh, knight, you cacked and gone.
O Knight Qui-Gon,
O Knight Qui-Gon.

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