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One Ring

Words: © 2002 by Tom Smith
Music: "One Week" by Ed Robertson
Don't know what it is about "One Week". It just seems to hang there in the air, waiting for me to write parodies to it. This one was pretty obvious, once I realized that you could easily fit Tolkien's "Ring Poem" to the chorus. On the other hand, singing the "Boom-She-lob-a-lob-a" is a little tricksy, my Precious.

It's the... one ring that'll rule them all,
One ring that's going to bind them,
One ring that'll bring them all,
And in the darkness you know it'll bind 'em
Three rings for the elven kings,
Seven for the dwarves, and nine for the humans,
Mister Frodo will drop the One
Into the Crack of Doom, Sauron'll be fumin'.

Hold it now, and watch the gold wink,
You'll need a chain link, I think you'd better not put it on,
It summons Nazguls so fast
Although you try and watch your
Ask too many questions, they get hold of you and you're gone.

Hot like the little Hobbit Frodo,
Get on the road, go,
Because he's all about to rule you.

Here come the Black Riders,
They're fighting Strider,
He'll be Returning 'fore it's all through.

Gonna rest a spell at Rivendell while Elrond sells you on a
Fellowship and tells you that's the safest way for ya,
But you saw the snow and then you know the vertigo would make you
Go into the Misty Mountains, through the Mines of Moria.

How can I help it if I think you're funny when you're droll?
Try to fight orcs, but they've got a cave troll,
I'm the kinda guy who stands up to Balrogs,
Can't understand, this is just the prologue,
I have a tendency to wear the Ring around my neck,
I have a history of loosening my tie --

It's the... one ring that'll rule the world,
Unless into the Crack of Doom it gets hurled,
One ring served by Saruman,
Creating an army of Uruk-hai's his master plan.
Three rings that the good guys need,
But even Gandalf and Galadriel are greedy,
Yesterday, here in Barar-Dur
Frodo looked pretty dead, so Sam is Ringbearer.

Trickesy Treebeard is Ent-erprisin',
Merry and Pippin take a drink, start risin',
Watching out 'cause Gollum's got his lights on,
We're down in Rohan,
Where everybody's on a horse and blonde.

Like Faramir 'cause he's a knight, sir,
Gandalf is white, sir,
Sauron is coming, send a Shadowfax.

Denethor don't wanna hear it,
But Minas Tirith
Will be Grond beneath the new attacks.

Eowyn'll fight the Nazgul Lord,
While Sam and Frodo hide from hordes
Around the mountain, hope that Gollum doesn't follow,
Inside of Barar-Dur a spider bride, she tried her best to
Boom She-lob-a-lob-a them but it was Sting she swallowed.

How can I help but put on this Precious golden band?
Tried to fight Gollum, he bit off my hand,
I'm the kinda guy who had to bear the One Ring,
Glad Sam is here at the end of all things,
I have a tendency to be rescued by Gandalf,
I have a history, it's in this Red Book --

It's been... one year since Weathertop,
Can't believe all that started then has finally stopped.
One month since King Aragorn
Married the Evenstar, but Gimli loves the Morn.
One week since we started home,
Bilbo told Frodo to finish up his tome,
Yesterday, we killed Saruman,
And now we'll Get back and work and regrow the Shire.

Get back and work and regrow the Shire.
Frodo went West on a boat, not a pyre.
Hey, what's this golden ring in the fire?

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