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A Very Dubya Xmas

Words: © 2002 by Tom Smith
Music: "The First Noël" (trad.); "The Christmas Song" (Mel Torme and Bob Wells);
"Santa Claus Is Coming To Town" (J. Fred Coots); Frosty the Snowman" (Jack Nelson & Steve Rollins)
This began with "The Frist Noël" -- so, we replace the loud, boisterous, cocky jerkface who votes hard-line right wing (anti-abortion, anti-civil rights, anti-consumer, anti-union, pro-business) with the quiet, calm, humble doctor... who votes hard-line right wing (anti-abortion, anti-civil rights, anti-consumer, anti-union, pro-business). Something wrong with this picture? Then I got more ideas, and it just took off. This may be expanded soon; other ideas present themselves readily.

The Frist Noël

Bill Frist knew well, the pundits did say,
To move fast when Trent Lott was out of the way,
Way out of the way, where he dwelt way down south,
Off'ring comfort to racists, shooting off his mouth.

Noël, Noël, Noël, Noël,
There's no escape from the angry groundswell.

Bill gathered his friends, and they chose one and all,
Their Majority Leader by conference call.
It worked so well, without any Floor brawl,
That one wonders why they go to D.C. at all.

No jerks, no quirks, a government that works....
Naaah, we don't want to give up all our perks.

Bill's so quiet and good, so compassionate too,
As long as you're not with the A.C.L.U.
A.F.L.-C.I.O., N-double-A-C-P,
Or if you want abortion rights or hug a tree.

No way, no way, those just won't play,
Why help those living outside the Beltway?

Does Frist know well what the People expect?
Can he stop the Right Wing ere the country is wrecked?
Or will Orwell prove right, with our leaders unchecked?
Is it too much to ask for a little respect?

Noël, Noël, I hope that he does swell,
But remember what's paving the road to Hell.

The Christ-What-A-Mess Song

Condi Rice is yelling "Open fire!
Iraq's just fibbing, thumbing their nose,
You'll find nuke parts -- Look there! That's a wire!
Those robes and turbans are protective clothes."

Everybody knows this turkey wants some missiles, too,
Hussein is quite prepared to fight,
But a tiny land with a big-ego'd man
Will find it hard to win -- something's not right.

They know that Dubya's on his way,
He's loaded the Cabinet with hawks and the N.R.A.,
And every mother's child is gonna spy
For Ashcroft, Poindexter, and the F.B.I.

And, so, I'm offering this bumper sticker,
To voters in Two Thousand Four,
Although Bush wins polls, and he doesn't seem slicker,
We'd be better off with Al Gore.

John Ashcroft Is Coming To Town

You better watch out, you better not cry,
You better not pout, I'll tell F.B.I.,
John Ashcroft is coming to town.

He's making a list, checking it twice,
Gonna find foes of Cheney and Rice,
John Ashcroft is coming to town.

He sees the Constitution as kind of in the way,
Ignoring it's the solution to Guantanamo Bay.

So, you better duck down, outa his view,
Hoping this clown ain't looking for you,
John Ashcroft is coming to town.

This little tin horn with a little tin star
Looking for porn in every car,
John Ashcroft is coming to town.

He doesn't like blacks, doesn't like gays,
Doesn't like anybody these days,
John Ashcroft is coming to town.

He seizes marijuana, and covers statues' butts,
Fight terror? He don't wanna, look at all his budget cuts.

So, you better watch out, you better keep cool,
Better not doubt the law is a fool,
John Ashcroft is coming,
For civil rights he's gunning,
John Ashcroft is coming to town!

Ari the Snowman

Ari the Snowman was a lying, petty soul,
And he wouldn't blink or let you think as he practiced spin control.

He would dissemble, or at best say half a truth,
And he snarled the most when the Times or Post would confront him with some proof.

There must have been some semblance of a heart in him before,
But now he sells the Party Line as the only thing in store.

Ari the Snowman has to hurry on his way,
Every time he's caught, he shows Dubya's bought by Big Oil or N.R.A.

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